A year ago

The Meghan of a year ago, would look at me today and cry.... just cry and cry and cry. She would tell me with trembling words given over and over again to never stop praising, to never stop treasuring people and moments and grace claimed brokenness. She would stand there with all of her impossibles and frailties and ask me to never forget that my weaknesses and sins are immeasurable and yet His grace is so capable of overwhelming them completely. She would tell me to give more hugs, say more I love yous, speak more boldly, live more selflessly, apologize more quickly and never miss a chance to affirm or say thank you. She would look me in the eyes and tell me to never forget that Heaven is my home and that this world will be the emptiest place when Jesus is less than my everything. She would beg with me to remember the power of prayer and that I am a product of a million pleas for mercy. She would tell me to talk about His faithfulness and to marvel, even when everyone else is done marveling, over healing and the hidden glories of suffering. She would tell me that the gospel always costs and that pain is such a good part of this journey. She would hug me tightly and remind me that the world doesn't have to approve of me as long as my Father does, and that people will so often not understand but He always will. She would tell me that walking by faith is always better than walking by sight, and that I do not have to understand what my Father is doing for it to be good. She would tell me that my beauty will always be what Christ is working within and that the rest of me really is not worth too much thought. She would tell me that God's word is everything and I must learn how to hunger for it with greater passion. That Meghan, facing so many painful endings, would plead with me to celebrate the beginnings and to take comfort that my unknowns are always faced with the God I know. She would remind me that I have so many reasons and so much responsibility to trust Him. She would tell me to love recklessly and remember that tomorrow may never come. And then that Meghan would cry again and praise and marvel and be amazed at what God has done, but she would in no way be surprised by what He is capable of. 

What a year. Just thank you, Jesus. I'm in awe of you.

Meghan Murphy